DoctorLionPerson855
On a separate page in the same submission, revise…
On a separate page in the same submission, revise the below document analyzed to be more effective. In the revision, focus on the following elements:
Purpose, audience, and context
Paragraph and overall message structure
Tone
Mechanics and overall correctness
Document Description: The document in question is an email sent by the sales accounting manager, to the sales accounting team,
Medium: Email
Sender: sales accountant Manager
Receiver/Audience: Sales accounting Team
Intended Purpose: To inform the team about changes in the year- end audit and request our input on aligning sales/accounts efforts, this email attempted to get the accounting to team to create new strategies to bring in new customers before the year ended.
Explanation of Ineffectiveness: The email was not effective due to unclear language and lack of context. The subject line simply read “sale accounts and audits,” which did not provide any indication of urgency or the nature of the changes. In the email, our manager used industry jargon and assumed the team’s familiarity with the year-end audit details. She failed to explain the reasons behind the strategy change and how it would impact the sales team. The message lacked a clear call to action, leaving the team unsure about how to proceed.
Consequence of Failure: The team received the email and found it difficult to understand the new changes and implications. We did not see a clear connection between the audit date change and our year-end sales procedure. Consequently, the sales team continued with the “normal” sales strategy and audit date, resulting in a mismatch between marketing messages and audits being turned in late. The lack of coordination led to confusion among potential customers and lost sales opportunities.
Recommended Changes:
Subject Line Clarity: Modify the subject line to convey urgency and purpose. For instance, “Urgent: Revised Marketing Strategy with New Audit deadline.”
Clear Context Setting: Begin the email by briefly explaining the reasons behind the strategy change. This provides context and helps the team understand the need for adjustment. Be clear of the new audit deadline, for example “the new deadline for year-end sales audits is due, no later than December 26 year end”. Simplify language, use clear and simple language, avoiding industry jargon. This ensures that the team comprehends the content without any confusion. Explain Impact on Sales and the audits clearly outline how the updated marketing strategy affects the sales team’s efforts, and the consequences of late audits. Specify any changes in customer messaging, target audience, or sales materials.
Call to Action: End the email with a specific call to action. Ask John to schedule a brief meeting to discuss how sales strategies can be aligned with the new marketing approach. By implementing these changes, the communication would be more effective. The modified subject line would grab the team’s attention, a clear context would help the team understand the rationale, simplified language would ensure comprehension, explaining the impact on sales would clarify the situation, and a call to action would guide the next steps.
